1. My Chanel backpack didn’t come in the mail.
No seriously, I’ve seen so many bloggers, socialites, and other fashion girls creaming over their new bag. I think it’s cute…until 500 other chicks show up with the same bag. That’s not very Coachella. That’s more like…Mean Girls.
2. Umm…it’s hot as hell in Coachella. No really. It’s the DAMN DESERT!
3. I don’t like to be anywhere where I can’t use the ladies room. Being stuck in the desert for a weekend with a porter potty is not how I like to get down.
4. Speaking of getting down, I think the only way one could truly enjoy the Coachella experience is if they were using recreationals. I don’t use them. Not because I’m going to be an attorney and I have to pass a character and fitness test, but because I’m a square whose only vice is a nice glass of wine and a documentary on the Netflix.
4.5. Even if you DO do recreationals…um…I just don’t want to come up dead, or with a mysterious pregnancy. You can’t tell me people don’t get wasted to the point where they have to get tested the Monday after the festival.
5. The REAL reason why I’m not going to Coachella? I’m going into finals. I’m suppose to be finishing a court opinion, but I’m here blogging about Coachella and herpes.
If you’re going to Coachella, wear sunscreen, demand a condom, and have fun!